Reflections and Rejections: Exploring the Enneagram’s Avoidance Strategies Through Echo and Narcissus

In the wild and whispering woods of ancient Greece, there was a mountain nymph named Echo. Echo was famous for her endless babble and relentless need to have the last word in every conversation. But her constant talking wasn’t without consequence.

After helping the dalliance-prone Zeus cover up one of his many scandalous affairs, Echo drew the ire of his wife, Hera. In a fit of divine jealousy, Hera cursed Echo so that she could only repeat back the last words spoken to her.

One lovely fall afternoon, Echo stumbled upon Narcissus, the carefree handsome young man known for breaking hearts. Narcissus was the son of a river god and a water nymph. At his birth his parents received a cryptic prophecy from the blind prophet Tiresias: he’d live a long life as long as he never truly knew himself, as long as he never truly saw himself. And so, Narcissus, the original tease and charming flirt, wandered through life, leisurely hunting deer in the woods while leaving a long trail of broken hearts and unrequited love in his wake.

When Echo first laid eyes on Narcissus, it was love at first sight—her heart was a tempest of emotions, wild and untamed. Yet, bound by her curse, she couldn’t speak the words that burned within her. Every unspoken desire came alive in her fluttering chest, desperate to be heard but forever silenced. She trailed behind him, keeping to the shadows, her eyes locked on his every move. The distance between them was unbearable, her heart aching for a love she could never express.

Narcissus heard her rustling around in the brush and called out, “Who’s there?” all Echo could manage was, “There… there… there…”. At first Narcissus thought it was his own echo and continued on his hunt. But once again he heard her following him and this time responded, “Come here.” Echo could only answer, “Here… here… here…”.

As she stepped out from behind the trees, hoping for a tender embrace, Narcissus recoiled in condescending distain. Captivated by his beauty and unable to control her affection, Echo rushed at Narcissus, throwing herself onto him in an embrace. With her heart pounding with hope and fear, Narcissus pushed her away and scolded her, “I would rather die than let you love me.” Poor Echo could only repeat his words, “Love me… love me…” as tears bathed her tender face.

Heartbroken and humiliated, Echo withdrew into the depths of the forest, her unreturned love weighing heavily on her shattered spirit. She roamed the shadowy woods, aimless and desolate, her sorrow echoing through the empty spaces between the trees. In her wandering, she encountered others who, like her, had been wounded by the cruel indifference of Narcissus—souls left hollow by his callous rejections. United by their shared pain, they turned to Nemesis, the formidable goddess of retribution and revenge, and pleaded for justice. With voices full of grief and longing, they called upon her to restore the balance that had been so cruelly upended, seeking not just vengeance, but the rightful reckoning of their broken hearts.

Nemesis guided Narcissus to a tranquil spring, where the waters shimmered like liquid glass under the sun’s tender glow. As Narcissus leaned over the water, he glimpsed his reflection for the first time—a vision so achingly perfect that it stole his breath away. His heart, which had never known true longing, now beat with a desperate desire that could never be fulfilled. He reached out, trembling, to touch the radiant image, but his fingers met only the cold, rippling surface. Each time he reached, the reflection slipped further away, like a beautiful dream just beyond his grasp. Captivated and tormented, Narcissus lingered by the water’s edge, his body wasting away as he clung to the illusion of what could never be. Spellbound, starving, and imprisoned by his own vanity, he was slowly consumed by the very image he adored, unable to escape the tragic reflection of his own unreachable desire.

In the end, Narcissus faded away, his once vibrant form now reduced to mere shadow of his former self. When wood nymphs came across the spot where he had withered and perished, they found only a sad, delicate yellow flower bending mournfully over the water, its pedals trembling in the breeze as it endlessly gazed at its reflection. This flower, the daffodil or narcissus, became an enduring symbol of self-love gone awry —a poignant testament to the agony of unreciprocated affection and the tragic consequences of a heart ensnared by its own image.

This myth of Narcissus and Echo offers a powerful lens through which we can understand the intricacies of our own psychological landscapes, particularly the ways we avoid confronting uncomfortable truths about ourselves. Just as Narcissus’s obsession with his reflection and Echo’s repetitive echoing illustrate the pitfalls of evading deeper self-awareness, they also serve as a metaphor for the various avoidance strategies we employ in our own lives.

To explore how these avoidance strategies manifest in different personality types, we return to the Enneagram framework. Each Enneagram type develops its own unique strategies to sidestep the discomfort of facing their shadow. By examining these avoidance strategies, we can gain valuable insights into how we, much like Narcissus and Echo, navigate our own inner conflicts and illusions. Let’s delve into a description and list of the Enneagram Avoidance Strategies to better understand how they shape our behaviors and self-perceptions.

The Enneagram’s Mirror: Avoidance Strategies and the Shadow

The Enneagram’s Avoidance Strategy is a powerful framework that reveals how each type unconsciously sidesteps uncomfortable emotions, situations, or truths. At its core, the Avoidance Strategy is not just a coping mechanism—it’s a roadmap to understanding the hidden motivations that drive our behavior. For each type, this strategy serves as both a shield and a shadow, protecting the ego while simultaneously concealing the deeper work that must be done. By naming and exploring these avoidance patterns, we begin to uncover the places where we are most stuck, often blinded by our own striving to maintain an image that keeps us feeling safe, in control, or worthy of love.

Shadow work invites us into these hidden spaces, challenging us to confront the very things we’ve spent a lifetime avoiding. The Avoidance Strategy is the entry point. Each type’s strategy tells a story of evasion—avoiding vulnerability, inadequacy, emptiness, or pain—and offers us a lens to see how our most ingrained habits keep us from facing our shadows. When we begin to name these strategies, we not only disrupt the patterns that bind us but also find the courage to bring the hidden aspects of ourselves into the light.

The Avoidance Strategy also reveals how our defense mechanisms are more than just reactions—they are crafted, intentional ways of navigating life that protect us from our deepest wounds. Yet, what we avoid doesn’t simply disappear; it festers beneath the surface, shaping our actions and undermining our growth. Recognizing and working with these avoidance patterns gives us a new way to engage with the Enneagram, not just as a tool for understanding our personality, but as a guide to uncovering the truths we are most afraid to see. By doing this work, we step closer to integrating our shadows, living more authentically, and embracing the wholeness of who we are.

The Nine Paths to Avoidance: An Overview

Navigating the Shadows: A Guide to the Enneagram Avoidance Strategies

Enneagram Type One Avoidance Strategy: Striving for perfection, maintaining high standards, and adhering strictly to rules and ethics.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Conceals Inner Rigidity: By focusing on correctness and order, Ones may suppress feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment.
• Suppresses Imperfection: Avoiding mistakes and imperfections can lead to a hidden sense of inadequacy and self-criticism.
• Repressed Emotions: The relentless pursuit of ideals can mask underlying emotions such as vulnerability and self-doubt.

Enneagram Type Two Avoidance Strategy: Focusing on others’ needs, being nurturing and supportive, and seeking approval and affection through helpfulness.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Neglects Own Needs: By prioritizing others, Twos may ignore their own desires and emotions, leading to hidden feelings of neglect and resentment.
• Fear of Being Unwanted: The drive to help can mask deep-seated fears of rejection and inadequacy.
• Manipulative Behaviors: Subconsciously using helpfulness to gain love can obscure authentic self-expression and create dependency.

Enneagram Type Three Avoidance Strategy: Pursuing success, managing image, and striving for efficiency to avoid failure and feelings of worthlessness.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Conceals Insecurity: The facade of success hides underlying fears of inadequacy and fear of failure.
• Authentic Emotions Suppressed: Threes often prioritize achievements over genuine emotional experiences, masking their true selves.
• Identity Confusion: Constantly adapting to meet external expectations can obscure their authentic identity and lead to burnout.

Enneagram Type Four Avoidance Strategy: Embracing uniqueness, delving into deep emotions, and focusing on personal identity to avoid feeling ordinary or insignificant.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Envy and Self-Absorption: By emphasizing what makes them different, Fours may hide feelings of envy and excessive self-focus.
• Melancholy and Isolation: Intense emotional experiences can lead to isolation and a sense of being misunderstood, masking their vulnerability.
• Perceived Shortcomings: Dwelling on what they lack can obscure their strengths and contributions.

Enneagram Type Five Avoidance Strategy: Withdrawing, seeking knowledge, and maintaining independence to avoid feeling overwhelmed and incompetent.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Emotional Detachment: Fives may suppress emotional needs and vulnerability, leading to a hidden sense of loneliness and inadequacy.
• Fear of Intrusion: The desire for privacy can mask underlying fears of being overwhelmed or invaded by others.
• Isolation: Excessive withdrawal can conceal deeper issues related to trust and connection.

Enneagram Type Six Avoidance Strategy: Seeking security, being vigilant, and fostering loyalty to avoid anxiety, fear, and uncertainty.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Inner Doubts and Fears: Constant vigilance can mask internal anxieties and fears of instability.
• Projection of Anxiety: Sixes may project their fears onto others, concealing their own vulnerabilities.
• Dependency and Suspicion: Balancing trust and skepticism can obscure true feelings of insecurity and need for support.

Enneagram Type 7 Avoidance Strategy: Pursuing pleasure, variety, and new experiences to avoid pain, discomfort, and limitations.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Emotional Avoidance: By staying busy and seeking distractions, Sevens may hide feelings of dissatisfaction and emotional pain.
• Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): The drive to experience everything can mask deeper fears of being stuck or limited.
• Impulsiveness and Escapism: Avoiding negative emotions through impulsive actions can conceal unresolved internal conflicts.

Enneagram Type Eight Avoidance Strategy: Asserting control, demonstrating strength, and maintaining autonomy to avoid vulnerability and weakness.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Fear of Being Controlled: The need for control can mask underlying fears of vulnerability and dependency.
• Suppressed Emotions: Eights may hide softer emotions like fear and sadness, presenting a tough exterior.
• Confrontational Behavior: Aggressiveness and dominance can obscure their true needs for protection and support.

Enneagram Type Nine Avoidance Strategy: Seeking harmony, avoiding conflict, and merging with others to avoid discomfort and dissonance.

How It Hides the Shadow:

• Suppressed Desires and Anger: Nines may ignore their own needs and feelings to maintain peace, leading to hidden resentment.
• Passivity: Avoiding assertiveness can mask underlying frustrations and a lack of personal direction.
• Self-Neglect: By prioritizing others, Nines may conceal their own identity and desires, leading to a sense of numbness or disengagement.

From Myth to Modern Insight: How Echo and Narcissus Illustrates the Shadow

We’re not unlike Narcissus, standing by a tranquil spring, gazing at our own reflections. We’re entranced, spellbound by the image staring back at us. What Narcissus sees is more than just his physical appearance; his obsession with his reflection reveals to us our ego’s desperate fixation clinging to an idealized self-image. He’s so fixated on this reflection that he’s unable to see the deeper, darker corners of his own psyche—the shadow. The prophecy from Tiresias is a stark warning: as long as Narcissus avoids the uncomfortable truth of who he really is, he remains trapped in a superficial existence.

Now let’s pivot to Echo. Picture her—her voice forever caught in a loop, only able to repeat the last words she hears. Echo embodies the parts of us that have been silenced or repressed, those aspects of the psyche that we’d rather not acknowledge or those parts that are unable to express themselves fully. Her curse mirrors how the shadow often manifests in our lives: through repetitive patterns, unconscious behaviors, and projections onto others. It’s not unlike a repetition confirmation that endlessly continues playing the same track, over and over, reflecting the unaddressed issues we’re trying to avoid.

When Narcissus rejects Echo, it’s not just a rejection of her, but a rejection of the repressed aspects of himself that she represents. This is a powerful metaphor for the ego’s tendency to dismiss or shun parts of ourselves that don’t fit into our carefully curated self-image. Narcissus’s disdain for Echo—and by extension, for the shadow she embodies—reinforces the split between the conscious self and the shadow. He’s living in a bubble of illusion, completely disconnected from the fuller, more authentic self that lies beneath.

And here’s where it ties back to the Enneagram’s concept of avoidance strategies. Each Enneagram type has its own way of sidestepping the uncomfortable truths of the shadow. Narcissus’s obsession with his reflection is like a vivid metaphor for how we all cling to an idealized version of ourselves, skirting around the parts that feel too threatening or too painful to face. It’s easy to get caught up in this dance, fixating on the persona we want to project while avoiding the messier, more authentic aspects of who we are.

It turns out, the tale of Echo and Narcissus isn’t just a story of unrequited love and tragic fate. It’s a profound illustration of the shadow in action—how we avoid facing our own shadows, how we reject the parts of ourselves that we find uncomfortable, and how, in doing so, we risk becoming trapped in our own illusions. The key to breaking free lies in embracing and integrating those repressed aspects, turning the cycle of repetition into a journey of profound self-awareness and growth.

While living and working all over the world for 20 years with an international humanitarian organization, Chris Heuertz was first introduced to the Enneagram in a slum in Southeast Asia. Since then, he has trained under some of the great living Enneagram masters — including Marion Gilbert, Helen Palmer, Father Richard Rohr, and Russ Hudson.

As an International Enneagram Association Accredited Professional Chris now works as an Enneagram one-on-one coach and consultant, teaches the Enneagram all around the world, hosts the Enneagram Mapmakers podcast, delivered a TEDx talk on the Enneagram, and has published seven books including two bestselling Enneagram books: the award-winning The Sacred Enneagram and The Enneagram of Belonging.

Enneagram illustrations by Elnora Turner; do not use without permission. Cover image by Charles Tyler courtesy of Unsplash.