Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Four

Like all heart types, Fours have a primary need for mirroring. When the need is not metadequately for one of a variety of reasons, the adaptive strategy to be seen and understood, and to maintain connection manifests in the form of introjection. Commonly this type has a predisposition to both idealize the love of the parents, as well as to fundamentally reject them for their inadequacies and failings.

For much of the 20th century, psychiatrists and psychologists have written a great deal on the ideas behind projection, introjection, and transference. The basic theory here is that you could say Fours have internalized aspects of the unloving parent, or put another way, of parental rejection. This is where the constellation of traits emerges of poor self-image and basic negative self-concept. It also explains the pursuit of distinction and proving of self-worth especially through means which they (as feelers) process their suffering through aesthetic expression.

They can be stressed by anything that relates to their passion of envy and of lack, or lack of their ideals. In the workplace they will let you know if you aren’t working up to expectations. They will get upset if they don’t feel supported or understood, and it may not always be clear how they need support or understanding. They will typically have a hard time genuinely being happy for another’s success that they themselves haven’t also had. And they may reject people they don’t deem as possessing something that they value. This may mean people who aren’t refined, or seem shallow, or who they generally regard as inferior to them. By contrast, they will overdo their suffering and victimization if they are rejected by someone who they admire or want to be in good graces with.

Self-Preservation Four: (countertype) Tenacity

The Self-Preservation Four can look like a One in their strong need for self-determination and self-discipline. They have a high pain tolerance, and in this way they may be the hardest to identify without a lot of experience or information. Part of that is simply due to their countertype qualities. They express envy less than the other two subtypes. They tend to internalize their emotions rather than express them as the other two do. They are “tenacious” (some call them “dauntless”) in that they will suffer their own pain without bothering others with what they may be feeling or going through. Sometimes they compare the experience to a person bearing a gigantic pack. They feel burdened by the weight of their feelings, but don’t know what to do with them. In early characterizations of the three subtypes of Fours, Naranjo termed them “the angry hateful, the shameful guilty, and the depressed.” The first two act out the feelings, and in the SP case, they double down on internalizing the feelings, which leads to depression when not addressed in healthy ways.

Perhaps another reason this subtype may be hard to discern is that SP Fours are more in contradiction than most. They tend to pay a lot of attention to the clothes they wear, but usually choose attire that doesn’t stand out. Similarly, they may want their surroundings to reflect who they are, but that expression is often understated, such as intentional minimalism or small but unique artifacts. They tend to have strong opinions but don’t often argue for them.

They are usually industrious and detail-oriented, as well as outgoing, but will retreat into frequent self-examination. They crave stability and security, yet they want creative freedom and often desire to innovate.

They can even be mistyped as Sevens because in some cases they express a bright and optimistic, even light disposition. The general theory here is that these “sunny SP Fours” are likely to have the Sexual/One-to-One instinct in the second position, and Social in the third. We might go so far as to say this sunnier disposition is a reaction formation against how they really feel inside.

For the most part, however, the stoical disposition of the otherwise melancholic SP Four is a way of getting love by not being a burden on others. It is as they are saying, “See how much I suffer and don’t complain?”

In the end, however, this subtype bears similar characteristics as the other Fours in both strength and self-awareness, as well as in stress. At their very best they lead with a focus on connecting to a higher mission. In an organization you see them connect with others through support and concern for others’ well-being. When thriving in the right conditions they can harness their energy into ambitious endeavors, usually focused on making the world a better place and missional-related causes. When in stress they tend to withdraw and can fixate on self-criticism and devaluation. This can damage their self-confidence and keep them from realizing their dreams, as well as the meaningful connections with others they crave.

Social Four: Shame

Social Fours are almost the opposite of the Self-Preservation Fours. They can focus too much on feelings and making sure that everyone else knows about them as well. Social Fours’ central focus of attention is on expressing sadness (in contrast to Sexual Fours expressing anger). The sadness is packaged around feelings of inferiority related to envy. It’s a self-recrimination which feels that there is something inherently wrong with them. They are often shy, especially of expressing their needs and desires. If they do feel anger it is usually transformed into shame in the outward expression of tears and sometimes a sense of victimization. As a result, they are often dramatic and can be extremely sensitive.

This subtype is the one most often associated with—or stereotyped as—Fours in general. Think Aunt Pepa of Encanto who has the rain cloud always over her head. Oddly enough, Social Fours are sometimes mistyped as Sevens because unlike their other two subtypes, their social focus of attention can demonstrate an openness and approachability, and through their shapeshifting, creativity, and sometimes eclectic tastes. In fact, some argue that Aunt Pepa is a Seven because she leads the song “We Don’t Talk about Bruno,” which is supposedly about avoiding difficult emotions, which Fours of course do. It just goes to show how mistaken people are when they start typing people without fully understanding the Enneagram, especially by way of the finer tuning of the subtypes. Wings do not make a subtype.

Because they don’t feel that they measure up to others, they can attribute this to a basic lack of understanding for how special and deep they are. They may come to believe that it is their place in life to suffer more than others. They see that others are happier than they are, but they scoff at how silly, hypocritical, or shallow these philistines are. In unhealthier expressions, they can believe that they are set apart from others. Like the poet T.S. Eliot said, to paraphrase: “The poet is not bound by the conventions and rules of ordinary people.” They can look down upon holding down a mundane job or long-term relationship commitment because they get in the way of their finely-tuned sensibility of who they are, or what they stand for, or their search for exactly who they truly are.

Sometimes they may shape-shift to fit and be exceptionally fine-tuned and polished. It is possible that T.S. Eliot was, in fact, a Social Four. He aggressively pursued success as a compensation for nagging interior feelings of inadequacy, and by making certain achievements, they “get the world off their backs” in effect. They prove that they can play the game and succeed. By contrast, they may express themselves in compensation in exotic ways with very particular tastes and style. Think Robert Smith of The Cure and the ensuing Gothic subculture that followed the look and style in 1980s and ‘90s.

For all their self-comparing, Social Fours are not generally competitive with others the way the other two Four subtypes are. They tend to connect with others in the workplace when they feel they are with other independent types who get them. Like all Fours, when their identity can discover alignment with the values they are working toward, they can be dedicated and creative. In growth and maturity these Fours can realize that they are no more or less than anyone else. They learn to chill out about their internal self-criticism and the way they in turn criticize and blame others. They figure out how to take action in practical ways instead of getting lost in the intricacies of their finely-wrought sensitivities and the emotions they tend to wear on their sleeves.

Sexual/One-to-One Four: Competition

For Sexual Fours it can be about getting angry and complaining a lot. This type often doesn’t realize how intense and aggressive they can come across. They have a tendency to express anger, which is a way they process the envy they feel. The pain of envy and inferiority gets expressed as anger. Quite often the anger is turned into competitiveness. Like anything, this can turn in healthy or unhealthy directions.

When it turns into negativity, the competitiveness can be rage-fueled and destructive. They will seek to tear down those they deem as their competition and feel perfectly justified in the actions they take. It’s as if they are saying, “If I’m going to suffer, then so are you.” For a famous example, some point to the highly fictionalized character of Salieri in the 1984 film, Amadeus. In the film, Salieri is consumed with competitive hatred by the genius of Mozart, that really only he (Salieri) fully appreciates.

The intensity of this subtype comes across as demanding, especially in personal relationships. Their behavior is often consumed by endeavors that will prove them better than everyone else. They seek status, prestige, or to break through as a star or important person in their field of expertise. The ideal they seek is to be so set apart from the chaff that they will be seen as the ultimately attractive or special person they always believed they were. And by contrast so long as this doesn’t take shape for them the more they will continually be frustrated and openly angry and irritable. These Fours like intensity in everything. They tend to like intense and serious film, especially in the form of dramas or psychological thrillers. They like intense music, intense sports, intense relationships. When they work, whether out of pure competition, or in alignment with their values and clear purpose, they work with an intensity-fueled focus. Without intensity, things seem bland and dull, it may be hard to focus or find purpose or value in whatever it is they’re involved in. For all these reasons, these Fours may be mistyped for Eights. The primary differentiating pattern, however, is the emotional filter they see through.

Because of the tendency to emotional volatility, these Fours tend to vacillate between periods of exceptional productivity and then almost just as intense withdrawal from others as well as work in lack of interest or focus. In maturity and health, and when like all Fours they find their purpose-filled identity in alignment with their values and skills, they can be charismatic and inspiring. They can paradoxically be demanding of the others they work with, and at the same time empathic, caring, and nurturing. Some identify this subtype as one of the very most effective and productive when their focus is and purpose is clear. They often possess many gifts that work well relationally in terms of sensitivity and a desire to connect and collaborate, and with a strong sense of vision they also bring an intensity and drive for efficiency and productivity.

When in stress, these Fours need to notice the signs and get in touch with the sense of inadequacy that may be driving the hard work and ignoring the feelings. The outward expression of their anger can help. They should be discerning about how they choose to release the initial wave of intensity onto someone else who may not respond the way they want. It should be important for these Fours to recognize that intensity in itself is not necessarily what needs to be brought into equanimity. The intensity may work well for them in many circumstances, perhaps it could be the enthusiasm they bring to parenting, or how hard they are ready to work on a professional project that lines up with their values and purpose. If you drive a Ferrari you don’t want to crawl along the road like you’re driving a 1969 Beetle. Where these Fours really need to keep an eye on is the intensity of their reactivity.

Working with Arrows in Growth and Stress

Much of the theory about basic stances have Fours moving away from the action. This comes from the emphasis on how their attention moves inward in their subjective responses to objective happenings. They tend to reflect on their feelings and impressions of reality. When they move too far back, they stand aloof mostly out of fear they will be misunderstood. Or you could say their subjective impressions override their clear focus on outer reality. When this happens they may engage in a strong fantasy life. What we have learned over the years, especially with the finer-tuned instrument of a deeper subtype understanding is that this really differs between the subtypes in the case of Fours. It would seem this natural disposition to withdrawal is most clearly seen in the behavior of Social Fours. The contrast and the predisposition to moving against can be seen in the behavior patterns of One-to-One/Sexual Fours. And we see an ambivalence in Self-Preservation Fours.

The theory of moving with, against, or towards can be helpful, but it can also be confusing. For instance, we can observe paradoxical patterns of behavior in Fours across the subtypes. For all that is stated above about withdrawal, at the same time, as Naranjo observes, Fours also have strong inclinations of “moving toward.” They crave love that they do not (or cannot) give to themselves. They crave care and attention and there is also a commonly observed “helplessness” (114). Fours have long been observed as needing protection and reassurance to maintain their equanimity. Isolation and aloneness, therefore, can be frightening.

We include the stances of types because they do give us a broad brushstroke for further understanding, but at the same time we want to point out where more research is needed, or where there are underlying flaws and confusions in the current theory.

We see gentle shifts in growth for Fours as tapping into the high side of their Three and Five wings respectively. The high side of Three takes them into productivity and efficiency, in getting things done and not overanalyzing their emotional purview into stasis and inertia. The high side of the Five encourages connection with the mental center, in growing deeply in knowledge and shifting the balance of over-indexing on the intensity of the feeling center.

To be clear, and just as a reminder, we think of wings as neighbors to our personality type when it comes to the Enneagram of Personality. They are indicators as to where we can go through self-awareness if we want to make gentle conscious decisions in how to move forward and break out of our fixated, sleepwalking behaviors. Arrow work, by contrast, involves bigger leaps. And while we don’t yet have enough evidence to fully prove this theory, we tend to see that when you move to any given type (whether high or low side), you tend to most reflect the same subtype. That is, when you go into your wings on either side, if you are self-preservation, that will be the tendency in your other styles. Exceptions do occur, however, especially if you had strong early examples of another subtype in your past.

When Fours do consciously focus on the arrow work and move first to point One, they move against the arrow. On the high side of One they recognize what needs to be done assertively and into action. This is a big move in that it places them in the body center and may not seem akin to the creative predisposition of Fours. But we can see how such a move can be exactly what can ground Fours in several ways. For one, they become focused and persistent in their pursuit on what is right. For another, they can connect to what it means to follow through and follow procedures. Further, if they have become too fixated on their specialness and how the rules don’t apply to them, getting firmly in touch with the One, will reconnect them to the solidity of rules and why they exist not only for themselves but, perhaps more democratically, for all. Of course it is possible to make an arrow move in stress to the One, which tends to be unconscious. In these cases, they may realize they are moving too much against others, becoming critical, as well as overly righteous about their opinions and judgments.

When Fours make a conscious move with their second arrow to Two, they move towards others. They get in touch with how their natural affinity to empathy can be focused on others rather than themselves. On this high side of Two, they lift up and out of themselves and into connection with others.

For all arrow movement, we recommend connecting with your first arrow against in regular and sustained conscious ways before focusing on the second arrow moving away. Generally speaking, the reason for this is that it is unlikely the second arrow work will last if you haven’t addressed the first arrow first. You may find yourself there for brief periods of time, but when some of the work has been skipped over, it is not likely to endure. On the low side, when Fours move to Two in stress, unconsciously, or out of one anxiety or another, they overdo their movement towards others. They become too involved with the “other” and lose their boundaries. Also, just as the Twos themselves do in their unconscious games, they give in order to receive affirmation and approval.

Reactive Impulse Under Stress

The reactive behaviors vary considerably between the subtypes of Fours. However, broadly speaking, you can see how the passion of envy manifests itself in ways that are often blind to Fours. They can be so fixated in their patterns of “what is missing” whether in themselves or circumstantially that they don’t even know they are doing it. They may always be sizing up others or their life situation and wishing they had more or that they were more. This has a lot to do with why they are constantly suffering to make themselves feel better by considering themselves “superior” rather than have to accept the “inferiority” they fear and often feel.

Under stress, and in reactivity, Fours can turn a vicious critical examination upon themselves. They can internalize and analyze their emotions with intense scrutiny. They also have a tendency to create a fantasy out of their projections of what actually may have happened (reality). Depending on the subtype, these expressions exhibit themselves in vastly different ways as described above. One important insight for Fours to understand is that just because they will interiorize and wrangle with their emotions, they will also—just like any and every type—avoid certain emotions or realities they don’t want to face. That recognition can be the keys to the kingdom for growth. Starting with just a shade more self-awareness, followed by genuine acceptance and self-compassion, can in turn mean real growth and a renewed, more mature perspective.

Whether the reactions are toward holding in sadness, expressing it in the form of shame, or in outrage and anger, they are triggered by the same feelings of lack. Fours already feel like they aren’t enough so that is why when someone criticizes them, or names the very deficiency they feared or felt, the reaction can be explosive. The first step in growing out of the typical defense mechanisms is to understand how, where, and when it happens. Then, in that clearer understanding, stopping the behavior in its tracks.

Remember the famous sketch played by Bob Newhart? He just has two words for his client who has a lot of issues, starting with the fear of being buried alive in a box. Those two words are: 

 “Stop it!”

 “Just stop it?” she asks.

    “That’s right, stop it,” he says.

    “So, you’re saying I should just stop?”

    “That’s right, you don’t want to go around feeling like you’re going to be buried inside a box, do you? That sounds terrible.”

     “No,” she says. “I don’t.”

     “Then, stop it!” he yells.

We all feel like telling ourselves (and everyone else) the same thing especially when we understand some of the patterns we find ourselves (or others) repeating. So, we get it when we say, “stop the behavior in its tracks.” It’s all “easier said than done.”

But on a cognitive behavioral level, it is true, there really is a component when you’ve taken the first step to notice yourself in the behavior. The second step is actually not letting it carry on. Stopping the behavior isn’t the end. It’s actually just the beginning. Beyond that, you can start working on understanding the feelings you’re having, why you’re having them, and reflect on other ways of expressing how you feel, as well as possibly re-consider whether you’re interpreting them in the way they were intended, or if it is just your own “special” interpretation.

Type Four Patterns to Observe to Make More Conscious

➢ Staying in melancholy. Learn how to spot it. Fours are good at reading their own emotions and feeling the world around them. Pay attention to how you go into the “sweet sadness” of melancholy, and develop specific strategies to break out of the habitual patterns. One effective and proven way is through a gratitude practice.

➢ Recognize what really is special, strong, and positive about you. Focus on how you already possess gifts and talents.

➢ Pay attention to how you romanticize the past or get filled with nostalgia with some time when everything was simpler and better. What is good right here and now? And what one small step can you take to make your present and future better today?

➢ You are not your emotions. Learn to analyze your feelings and distance yourself from them. What specifically is causing you anxiety or stress? Identify the source. Is it yours to carry?

Excerpted from Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress by Chad Prevost, Ph.D. used with permission.

Shock Point uses the explosion in stress research with a psychological overlay, giving you a comprehensive and accessible entry point into your type and subtype. Gain insight into the many macro and wider cultural forces that play into our burnout epidemic. Most importantly, learn the Enneagram as you never have before. Learn to use it as a tool for growth and expansion out of chronic stress and into a consciously-designed life. 

Dr. Chad Prevost is an organizational consultant specializing in communication, leadership, and self-awareness. He is a certified ontological coach, also certified as an Enneagram professional, in Mindfulness, and is a Leadership Circle Profile 360 facilitator. He loves balancing these tools to form a comprehensive coaching program for people living in chronic stress and disconnection. He also hosts The Humanist podcast.