I can hardly believe it myself, but our family actually used to enjoy holidays. That was before the “P” word obliterated familial harmony as we knew it. Yes, when Perfection reared its ugly head, it was the beginning of the end, so to speak. This is the story of Granny Nine, her children, and the pathetic rest of us. Granny bequeathed us tranquility. Perfection throttled it.

Granny Nine imposed virtually no restrictions on her children. Her kids were released on their own recognizance in...

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